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Friday, July 18, 2003

Ophe and I went to the Ann Arbor Street Art Fair thingie yesterday.

I took the kids with me.


Because I am a masochist.

All things considered, the day went well, but let me get into a bit of detail in just exactly how I insist on torturing myself exquisitely for the sake of art. Let's face it: That's why you're all here anyway, isn't it? To revel in my misery? I thought so, sports fans. I thought so.

So, Ophe showed up promptly at late o'clock, because she's rarely on time. (I said 'promptly.' That's a joke. Get it?)We've already established that before on the blog, though, methinks. The girl will be late to her own funeral. I forgive her for this. I understand that some people just can't help but be perpetually late. It's a genetic thing, or something.

Anyhoo, the kids were already in foul temper, because I had to wake them up and put clothes on them. They don't generally like having clothes on. I let them run around in diapers, because I don't like doing laundry. Not wearing clothes = not as much laundry, hence, they run around in diapers, and unless I am going somewhere, it's lounge pants and tank tops for me. Naturally.

So, kids are upset, but I coax them into shutting up with the promise of Ophe getting there any minute now (hah!), and they love Ophe, so I was able to keep them semi-calm til she did finally show up. We pack some kool-aid, Ophe has taken care of snacks, and off we go.

Now, it's hot outside, and I don't deal well with heat. We have to park out in Assfuck, Nebraska, because all the lots closer to the fair were full, and the ones that weren't entirely full cost 15 bucks. 15 bucks to park the car? Fuck you. We'll walk. And so we do.

In the blinding, glaring sun.

With small children.

And Asher won't walk at a normal pace.

In fact, Asher took it upon himself to walk as slowly as is humanly possible, therefore breaking what I like to think of as the reverse sound barrier. Instead of a sonic boom, you get a deafening silence, and a mother with sky-high blood pressure. And we hadn't even gotten to the fair itself yet. I coaxed. I cajoled. I begged. I got indignant. I threatened. I stomped a foot. I shook my fist. The boy would NOT HURRY UP. Turtles were passing us at what might have been Mach 20 for all the faster my son would move his little ass.

In a stroke of pure genius, Ophe offered to buy the child some ice cream if he would get his ass in gear. We were able to trail him across the fair in this fashion. 'Come on, Asher! Want some ice cream? Hurry the blue fuck up! Thatta boy! Woo woo!' You get the idea. In a humourous twist, we lured him back to the car with the promise of a hot dog. And yes, he got the ice cream and the hot dog. I may bribe my kid, but at least I follow through. (That's Zombie's Parenting Tip #457, by the way.)

The fair itself was really kick ass. I love art. I love seeing what other people do with their creative urges. I won't say I understand all the time what people are doing (like the booth we saw of animals constructed out of musical instruments. They were neat-o, but what the hell would possess someone to wake up one morning and say, 'Y'know, I think I'll start making elephants out of French horns.'...?), but I still love to see it. We saw some excellent metal work, in particular some guy that had made nude torsos with wings on them...they were really fuckin' cool. Too bad I didn't have 500 spare bucks laying around, or the female one would be hanging over my computer desk. Le sigh. The guy also did some pottery. He had these pots with the surfaces peeling off, and faces peeking out. Very strange. Right up my alley.

I think my favorite bit of the fair was all the non-profit organizations out there. I got a free book on Eckankar, which I have never heard of outside the Internet. After I read the book, I'll let you know how silly it is. I also got a bunch of stuff from the Inhabit Mars guys. And Ophelia scored a sticker from the legalize medical marijuana guys that says 'Thank You for Pot Smoking -- The American Cannabis Society' in the style of an American Cancer Society logo. There was also a lot of anti-Dubya stuff out there, and the Christians were all over the place, too. The feminists were out, as well as the socialists, the Planned Parenthood people, a bunch of politician stuff, child mentoring groups, the Libertarians, and on and on. Good show!

So, all in all, we had a good day, but for My Son, the Slowest Child on the Planet. I can't really blame was stifling hot. I was all sweaty and sticky, and I don't like getting that way outside of recreational bedroom activities. Consequently, I was fuckin' beat when I got home, but then I had to clean the apartment, so no nap for me. Curses.

Last evening, I attended a chat with Massimo Pigliucci at BookTalk. That makes my third chat with smart famous folks thanks to the BookTalk guy. I've now met Howard Bloom, and Richard Dawkins, along with Massimo. Woo woo, Chris. You rock.

And Michaelangeloglossolalia just PMed me this link and told me to pass it on. So, go look.

Or somethin'

Til later, my pretties. I must go now to organize some closets.

link | posted by Zombie at 11:25 AM |


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