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Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Chaos in Motion has been updated.


link | posted by Zombie at 1:23 AM | 0 comments

Friday, October 10, 2003

Notes From the Trenches

I have a series of articles I'm working on called 'Notes From the Trenches.' It is, naturally, about the myriad facets of parenting, specifically the stuff they don't tell you about when you're pregnant.

Like all the dumb stuff kids do that you have to suffer for.

For instance, my darling son, an amiable chap of 3 years now, decided the other night that it would be a good idea to drink my body wash while he was taking a bath.

I turned my back for 2 seconds, to wrap his sister in a towel, and turned back to an ear piercing shriek accompanied by severe gagging. There was my son, with the straw he had been stirring his bubble bath with stuck into the bottle of coconut body wash, scraping wildly at his tongue with his free hand.

I stared, dumbfounded, for about 15 seconds, while the boy wailed. Then it dawned on me that he had actually drank my soap.

'EWWWW! OWWWWW! UCKY!' he shouted at me.

'Well, what do you expect, genius?' I inquired politely, as I dragged him out of the bath and put a towel around him. He started gagging again, so I tried to get him over the toilet, lest he puke upon my bare feet, but he wasn't having any of that.

So, I brought him out to the living room and sat him on the couch with the towel in his lap. THEN he vomited coconut soap all over the place. Sigh.

Granted, my body wash does smell quite good, but I don't think that means anyone should attempt to drink it.

Asher was quite unhappy for the rest of the evening, and let me know it by whining a lot and crying and so forth. I finally managed to get him to sleep, but it was an uphill battle...

Toodles for now.

link | posted by Zombie at 7:07 PM | 0 comments

Sunday, October 05, 2003

The Misadventures of Spawnie and Zombie

Spawnie and I took the kids to the park today. It was one of those sunny but chilly fall days you get here up North, so it seemed like a good idea. Plus, I figured running around like demented things might wear the kids out a bit so they would sleep tonight.

We had a good time. Meredith went down the slides no less than 5 zillion times and Asher immediately took his shoes off and dug in the sand for a long time.

Spawnie and I sat at a picnic table and talked...

At one point, a car pulled into the parking lot. We observed a very thin woman emerge from the passenger side door of the vehicle with a fire extinguisher.

This looked interesting, so we continued to watch.

After much dancing around and arm waving, the woman sprayed the extinguisher into the backseat.

We thought this was odd, since the car didn't appear to be on fire.

The woman lit a cigarette and danced around some more, apparently talking to whomever else was in the car, though we couldn't see anyone.

She got back into the car. Then she got back out. Then she got in again, and closed the door.

Then she got back out.

Then she got back in, and left the door open, and we watched her feet swing around wildly.

At this point, we figured she was on something. Probably crack.

CrackWoman emerges yet again from the car, wearing different pants. She proceeds to give us very dirty looks while we giggle.

Then ANOTHER woman emerges from the driver's side door.

This one is blonde, also extremely thin...

...and brandishing a baseball bat.

We think this is about as odd as the fire extinguisher.

We decide they are hookers, since they are dressed as hookers would dress, and presumably on crack.

Spawnie wonders how much they charge.

The women begin to wander around the parking lot, inspecting vehicles, while Blondie swings the bat around a lot. Then they traipse off into a field and out of sight.

A little while later, they come back, and Blondie's still got the baseball bat. They get into the car and drive around the lot for a while, then leave, only to return 15 minutes later with another car following them.

Thus ensues what I presume was a drug deal, and then they leave again.

A trip to the park with Zombie and Spawnie.

Never a dull moment.

That's right, CrackWhores of the world. I'm watching you.

link | posted by Zombie at 11:55 PM | 0 comments

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Zombie Rawks Much More Than Usual

Yes, just when you thought it couldn't did. I managed to rawk much more than I usually rawk.

See, yesterday was the day the DSL was supposed to be hooked up. But when I attached the filter to the wall and plugged the phone into it, I lost the dial tone and the DSL was NOT working.

I called to bitch. 'Where's my DSL?'

The techie guy and I went over myriad possibilities as to why my DSL was not working and why I lost the dial tone whenever I hooked the shit up...he decided it was because we have a buzzer to let people into the building.

I thought that sounded pretty stupid, but hey, he's the techie guy, right?

Before going over to the office to see what could be done about the buzzer not screwing with my DSL, I decided to try it one more time...lo and behold, the problem was discovered.

The filter is too heavy.

When I'd plug everything in and then just let the filter hang there, it was pulling the cord slightly out of the phone jack...enough that it wasn't connecting. OH!

So I went over to the office and begged some duct tape off of them, then taped everything up nice and neat to the wall, and presto! DSL action.

Fuck, I rawk.

So it looks a little redneck, with wires and things duct taped to the plaster, but hey...the DSL works, and that's the main thing.

*busts part of a move*

link | posted by Zombie at 3:20 PM | 0 comments