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Saturday, April 29, 2006

In Which We Ask the Rhetorical Question: Will Zombie Ever Wake the Fuck Up?

I have this problem. It's a health problem and also a vampire problem and perhaps also has something to do with the fact that I'm just not wired properly.

I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia for about two years now. It is a pain in my ass - literally. For real, sometimes my ass hurts.

Anyway, for those of you unfamiliar with the wonder that is fibromyalgia (hereafter to be called FMS because I cannot continue typing fibromyalgia over and over again), it is a chronic pain condition. Think of it like arthritis, but causing pain in the soft tissues instead of the joints. Though I do have joint pain, too, since I have hypermobile joints, which also causes much ow, but can be considered fun since it makes me much more bendy than the average person. Bendy! Me! Wee!

FMS is not just a pain-causing thing, though. FMS also causes extreme fatigue and what we sufferers like to call "brain fog." It can cause other strange symptoms, like being cold all the time (check, got that one), muscle spasms (check, got that one), numbness in the extremities (got that one, too) and et cetera. It will affect each person that has it differently.

I am fortunate that I do not have it as bad as a lot of people with FMS do. I am still able to hold down a job and all of that. A lot of FMS sufferers cannot.

But I have it bad enough that when I am having a flare-up, which I am having as we speak, it fucks with me royal.

I have learned to deal with the constant pain and all of that, but the sleeping thing really gets to me. I could sleep for 24 hours straight and wake up and still be tired. I am better than I used to be, mostly because I have to be, but sometimes...

I call this a vampire problem because I can't sleep at night when I am having a flare-up. The pain is always the worst at night and I get the extra-added benefit of not having a proper bed. For some reason, though, when the sun starts to come up, I can sleep like a baby. Stupid wiring.

Anyway, please join me for a little play, titled:

Saturday Morning at Casa del Zombie

Setting: Zombie's bedroom. Time: Way Too Fucking Early in the Morning, i.e. 5:00 AM. Our Heroine is sleeping, after having finally fallen asleep at 3:00-ish AM, due to worrying and also reading a good book and also not being able to sleep on account of hip pain.

Door opens, Firstborn Child walks in.

Firstborn Child, whispering in that loud way that small children have: MOMMY.

Our Heroine: Snrk.

Firstborn Child:MOMMY.

Our Heroine: Grk.

Firstborn Child: MOMMMMMMMY.

Our Heroine: Glb. Snrz? Blee.

Firstborn Child: Mommy, it is TIME to WAKE UP.

Our Heroine, cracking one eye open to peer at Happy Bunny alarm clock (which features such classic Happy Bunny sayings as, "Hi. You Suck" and "Please Die Soon"): Guhhh...uh. Uhm. 5 in morning. No waking. Sleeping! GO SLEEPING, YOU.

Firstborn Child: What are you talking about?

Our Heroine: Groz...fuh....plb. ZZZZZZZZZ. Zz.

Fifteen minutes or so pass, then:

Firstborn Child: Mom, come ON.


Scene repeats until roughly 10 AM when Our Heroine is finally able to drag self out of bed, though interspersed with Secondborn Child coming in to the room to jump up and down on Our Heroine in a rather painful manner and other such fun things, like when First and Second go away for a few minutes to retrieve toy trucks, which they promptly bring back and proceed to drive over whatever surfaces are available in Our Heroine's bedroom, including, but not limited to: the floor, the wall, Our Heroine's back, Our Heroine's face and probably the ceiling.

Y'all, I just could NOT wake up. It was terrible. I am still so tired right now, I think I could die. But I won't die, because the universe hates me and also wants to hear me go "Grk, blee?" some more.

I'm going to write about my other fun symptoms in subsequent posts, because there's nothing funnier than a completely addled Zombie wandering around and falling down at random.

Health problems for me = fun for you!

link | posted by Zombie at 10:40 AM |


Anonymous Anonymous commented at 9:05 AM~  

Symptoms that disappeared when someone was helping you as I remember it.

Blogger Zombie commented at 6:09 AM~  

You agreed to leave me alone, remember?

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