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Monday, April 17, 2006

Zombie Leads an Exciting Life

Okay, not really.

Though I must say I had a vaguely enjoyable weekend. My office was closed on Friday so I took my happy ass shopping. Then the kids and I did yardwork pretty much all day Saturday. I made the dumbass mistake of not cleaning up the dead leaves and such properly last fall, so it was a giant pain to get it taken care of now, but at least the yard's looking nice (except for the giant gaping hole the water company left when they dug up our pipes and jackassed around for a couple of days) and I've got all my seeds planted. The kids had a great time trundling around in the dirt and screwing up the neat piles of debris I was making.

Sunday was to be devoted to cleaning the house up, but turned into me sitting at the kitchen table with a blank stare on my face for the better part of 900 hours.

I realized I have too much Stuff. Gone are the days when I could fit all of my earthly belongings into a few boxes (most of which would be books). No, now I am a grown up, a mother of two, so I must apparently accumulate piles of nonsense that do nothing but sit around and collect dust and provide me with more things to clean. I must have coffeemakers and Crock Pots (okay, I LOVE my Crock Pot, but still) and kitchen implements I never use and pots and pans and dishes that don't match and piles of toys no one plays with and clothes no one wears and knickknacks I don't like and Stuff-I-Might-Need-Some-Day-Just-In-Case. This is frightening. I cringe whenever I go into the laundry room, which is packed with, yes, you guessed it, more Stuff - though this is Ebay Stuff and mostly consists of flattened, empty cardboard boxes.

Sitting there at the kitchen table, I was struck with the overwhelming urge to start hauling things out to the yard to burn them. Why do I want all this Stuff? Is it necessary? Why do I keep it? Why not just...give it away or throw it away or bury it in the backyard and dance a jig on its grave?

Granted, most of my Stuff is books. I love books. I can never get enough books. I love books more than I love people (which probably isn't saying much, since my idea of being friendly and polite to people consists of "Die in a fire...please.")

When a book finds its way to my home, it doesn't matter if it's crap or if it's terrible or if I will even read it - it has found its sanctuary, its home. I will let it live with all its mates, quietly and happily creating a fire hazard in the basement (or the kitchen or the bedroom or the spare room or...okay, you get it).

I love books so much I can't even go into a library - y'know, on account of they make you give the books back and that is just horrible.

So this Getting Rid of Stuff idea I have will eventually lead to Getting Rid of Books, and Getting Rid of Books will eventually lead to my having a Massive Stroke and/or Nervous Breakdown.

I hope I can handle it. I wonder if I should start an online reading circle or something, where I just start mailing my books out to random people and forcing them to provide good homes to them.

I have thought about taking them to the Salvation Army or some other thrift store, but I worry about what will happen to them - will they be abused? Will someone love them properly? Will they be kept safe and warm?

It is nerve-wracking.

Yes, I realize I'm demented. Don't worry.

Anyway, if anyone wants some books, let me know. I'll require references, a criminal background check, a current credit report and an STD test to make sure you're not harboring any filthy disease, but after that...they're all yours!

link | posted by Zombie at 6:59 AM |


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