Monday, May 08, 2006
If You Deep-Fry It, They Will Come
I went out to lunch with some coworkers today.
We went to Bennigan's, which we are prone to do, as we are on a mission to outsmart them. You see, they have this 15-minute-lunch-thing, where they tell you if they don't bring your food out in 15 minutes, it's free. We keep taking them up on this offer, but alas, the wily, wily cooks at Bennigan's are speedy and have yet to fuck it up and give us free food. But! One day...one day, they will screw up and our lunch will be free. I just know it. I can feel it in my bones.
In the meantime, it gives me an excuse to consume fried chicken salads.
The first time we went to Bennigan's, it was just me and Coworker #1. She ordered a hugegantic burger and I ordered aforementioned chicken salad.
"Man," she said, when our food came, "I'm eating a burger and you're being good and having a salad."
"Uh huh," I said, "This is a bowl of fried chicken, ranch dressing, shredded cheese, bacon, and hard-boiled eggs...wait, there's a piece of romaine. So it's totally healthy. If I hadn't seen that piece of romaine, I might've wondered about my caloric intake here. But no, it is healthy. And that makes me awesome and you a fat pig. Ha!"
It's great to be superior.
Anyway, today, Coworker #1, Secretary, Secretary's Boyfriend and I all went to Bennigan's. We did not outsmart them, as usual, but we did make it to 12 minutes, so it gives us hope that, one day, we will have free food.
Secretary's Boyfriend ordered this:
If you don't know what that is and have never had the pleasure of eating it, it is a Monte Cristo sandwich.
The Monte Cristo sandwich is a culinary delight consisting of ham, turkey, swiss cheese and American cheese.
But wait! It gets better.
Said sandwich is then battered and deep-fried, dusted with powdered sugar, and served with some raspberry jam.
Basically, it is a ham donut.
A greasy, battery, jammy, hammy donut. And really, friends and neighbors, what could be better than that?
When Secretary's Boyfriend received his plate and surveyed the gastronomical treat before him, his eyes widened in awe.
"Wait...is this deep-fried? And...is that...powdered sugar? Raspberry jam? Served...with a pickle and french fries? Oh my god!!"
He tore into his Monte Cristo with glee. We watched him consume half of it. Then he looked up, eyes wide and shiny.
"I can't believe I'm actually eating this. It's so disgusting, it's good."
If I ever open a restaurant, that's going to be my slogan. "Eat at Zombie's: It's So Disgusting, It's Good."
So, a good time was had by all. Bennigan's plays excellent songs at very loud decibels, so we all sang along with the theme to The Neverending Story, followed by Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer," which appears to play every time I step foot into this establishment.
Perhaps they know how I love that song and cannot keep from singing along, loudly and badly, whenever I hear it. Perhaps they play it to lull me into a false sense of security in regards to finally acquiring my free food. While I am busy going on about fruitcages, those wily, wily Bennigan's cooks are teleporting my fried chicken salad to the table with two minutes to spare.
Anyway, that is the extent of anything interesting happening to me today.
Sad, isn't it?
link | posted by Zombie at 3:43 PM |
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