Tuesday, May 16, 2006
It's That Time Again...
So I did not blog for like, one whole day, and got bitched at for it, and I am like, "OMG, people, shut up!"
So to make up for it, I have decided it is time to resurrect a feature of this blog that has been most popular in the past.
Yes, that's right.
It's time for....
Yes, I know you all missed it. You pined and pined. "When, Lord, WHEN's gonna be my turn to see Zombie's Mad Paint Skizillz back in action? WHEN?"
Well, today is your lucky day, bitches. You may all breathe a great big sigh of relief. In and....ouuuuuut.
So, let's get to it.
This is a story, entitled "Zombie and Zombie's Pants Have a Difference of Opinion." It is the touching tale of a girl that just wanted to get dressed for work but found that she had lost too much weight and her pants were just not fitting properly. Like so:
Now, this is not a terrible problem, you know, the Losing of the Weight, because this is what Zombie had intended to do by going to the gym and eating only sticks and cocaine, BUT! Zombie is po' folks and cannot afford to buy pants all the time, and did not expect to lose so much weight so fast. The Pants in Question had not been worn for three weeks, because Zombie had forgotten they existed, but this morning, Zombie had remembered, and OH! she wanted to wear those pants.
But alas and alack, when Zombie put the pants on, as depicted above, they were Way Too Big, and Zombie was not sure what to do, especially when this happened:
Zombie was at a loss. Zombie really wanted to wear these pants, but the pants obviously had a different idea. What was Zombie to do? Zombie does not own any such nonsense like a belt. That would be Too Practical. Zombie is decidedly Not Practical.
Zombie decided to put the pants back on anyway and just hitch them up every five seconds. This worked fine until she got to work and Office Mom said:
To which Zombie replied, "We have not the time in the world to get into all that is wrong with me, but if you are speaking of The Pants, they are Too Big. Obviously."
To which Office Mom replied, "You look so terrible!" And laughed her evil, tiny Guyanan woman laugh.
To which Zombie replied:
And Office Mom WAS jealous. Because really, who doesn't want to have the problem that her pants are Suddenly Too BIG? Do we not usually have the problem that the pants are Suddenly Too SMALL?
Zombie decided that from this day forward, she would only wear pants that were Obscenely Big, Falling-Off Big, so she could continue to run around the office, annoying All and Sundry with the fact that her pants were indeed, Way Too Big.
link | posted by Zombie at 7:22 PM |
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