Friday, May 19, 2006
She Gives Good Universal Scream*
*Note: Again with the title not having anything to do with the content - sorry, Acid Bath this time.
Today, it wasn't raining.
This is news, since it has been raining up here in Sunny Time Michigan for the past week and a half straight.
Do you know what happens when it rains for a week and a half straight in the spring in Sunny Time Michigan?
The grass grows.
And you can't mow it because it's wet.
So today, when it finally wasn't raining, I knew I had better try to mow before it started raining again.
And this, my friends, was a pain in my ass.
No, the wheel managed to stay on this time, so that's okay.
But do you know how high grass gets after a week and a half of rain? It was a fucking disaster. It was so high...it was almost as tall as my daughter. Granted, she is Very Short, but still. This is a lawn emergency we're talking about, people. A lawn emergency.
So, I get home from work and prepare myself for mowing. Sunglasses? Check. Ratty tank top? Check. Jeans? Oops. The only jeans that vaguely fit me right now are the nice ones I wear to work. This leaves me with the rest of them, which are increasingly too big. So I put a pair on anyway, and did that handy white trashy trick of rolling the waist up several times til it sort of wanted to stay on.
It didn't work that well, but it kept me from being obscene, so I guess that's all right.
Anyway, I only got part of the lawn done. Because the mower? Kept stalling? Every five feet. On account of the grass being so high and also still wet because it rained for a week and a half straight.
While mowing? Out of the clear blue fucking sky?
My son? He hollers over the roar of the mower, "MOM! MOM! MOOOOOOM!"
So I holler back, thinking it must be important, "WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG?"
"MOM! ALL MY FRIENDS THINK YOU ARE FAT!"
"GEE, THANKS, ASHER."
"WELL, IT'S TRUE, MOM."
So to cheer myself up, I bought shoes. Because I am a girl. And that is what girls do. Oh, and skirts, to combat the pants problem.
Anyway, I am half asleep now, in a sated shoegasm manner. I will blog longer tomorrow. Probably also about nonsense.
link | posted by Zombie at 9:53 PM |
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