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Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Zombie Goes to the Gym, Part 2: Weight Loss Boogaloo

This might be incoherent, since I'm hopped up on Benadryl, but you can deal. Or not. Whatever.

So, I have been keeping to my diet and exercise thing. Even though I occasionally visit Bennigan's to consume fried chicken salads, I make sure I still go to the gym and do not eat any dinner on those days. After all, one fried chicken salad probably contains enough calories to last me a week. And I definitely do not have a ham donut, as tempting as it is.

Also, I have a Diet Coke with the fried chicken salad, so that totally evens things out.

At any rate, I am starting to notice some changes in my body. I don't know how much I've lost because I haven't weighed myself. I am trying to just go by how I feel and how my clothes are fitting me.

And I am feeling pretty good and my clothes are pretty loose, so I know I'm doing fine. It's even getting noticed by my coworkers.

See, I've always been a big girl, but I carry my weight pretty well. I know I definitely do not look like I weigh as much as I do. And I know how to dress to cover up the problem areas (yes, yes, okay, all areas are problem areas, but I am not wearing a burkha...yet).

I remember a conversation I had a few weeks ago with Office Mom.

Office Mom is this tiny angry woman from Guyana. She is Boss and Coworker #1's mother. She is a fucking trip to be around, let me tell you.

Office Mom is not a lady you want to fuck with. Office Mom may only be two feet tall, but she will hurt you. And then she will laugh. And then she will hurt you some more.

Part of Office Mom's charm is that, like me, she hates everything and everyone. This is probably why we get along so well. It is not unusual for Office Mom to barge into my office and announce in her cute little accent, "Zombie's Real Name, I HATE PEOPLE. HATE THEM." And then barge back out.

So, you can probably deduce that Office Mom is not one to keep her opinions to herself. She has less tact than I do, and that is saying something.

Office Mom: Good morning. You look nice today.

Zombie: Why, thank you.

Office Mom: See, you are a fat girl that knows how to dress properly.

Zombie: Uhm...thank you?

Office Mom: Think you take Secretary shopping some time, show her how a fat girl should dress?

(Secretary is not fat. She is chubby and tends to wear clothes that are too small for her, which make her look bigger than she really is. But she is very young, so I assume she will grow out of this phase at some point and that I do not need to take her shopping.)

Zombie: I think she's okay...

Office Mom: No! She fat and try to dress like she skinny! It is ridiculous. You, you are fat, but you know how to dress well. That is good. More fat girls should be like you.

Gee. Thanks, Mom.

I know this is her way of paying me a compliment, but really, I could do without that.

Anyway, now that I am losing weight and it is becoming noticeable, we have different exchanges.

Office Mom: I notice you are losing weight. This is good.

Zombie: Why, thank you.

Office Mom: You are welcome. Your face doesn't look as bad as it used to.

Aww, that Office Mom. She's all cuddly and stuff.


This is proving not to be as hard as I thought it was going to be. I have good motivation right now and seeing results really helps, too. Making sure I get my ass to the gym every day isn't always easy, but I keep going, so that's fine. And as long as I don't inhale an entire cheesecake or five ham donuts at some point, I think I can keep this up.

Go me.


In other news, Tom Cruise still loves the cock. LOVES it. You can tell by the way he talks into this microphone.

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Aww. Homo.

link | posted by Zombie at 6:09 PM |


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