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Thursday, July 13, 2006

Things Zombie Hates Thursday

Well, it's Thursday again, and that means it's time for another installment of Things Zombie Hates Thursday. The joy. The unrelenting joy.

1.) Programmers.

Okay, okay, so technically, I could be called a programmer, since I do some o' that at work, but I don't hate me (at the moment) so I am just talking about other programmers. Specifically the ones we've hired to do a Very Important and Time Sensitive Project.

Coworker #1 and I spent all day breaking the software they built and then taking screencaps and indicating, in minute detail, what needed fixing. Then we would dash this off to the programmers, they would contact us to say it had been fixed, and we would discover that, while fixing that, they had fucked something else up.

Look, I do not have time for hand-holding. If we had the time to walk you through this shit step by step, we'd have just built it ourselves. But we don't have time for that, and that's why we hired you. We have other shit to do. We are not amused. We are also brain dead. And it is all the fault of Indian programmers.

We are not paying you negative 2 rupees an hour to not do this properly, dammit.

And I have several more fun-filled days of this to go! Huzzah!

Just the thought of it makes me want to go insert my head into the garbage disposal.

2.) Shots in the stomach.

I had to get my Depo shot in the stomach yesterday. Nothing like a giant needle to the gut to get you going in the morning.

I went in and said, "So, which hip this time around?"

"Oh, no, we don't do that anymore."

"Okay...I get it in the thigh?"

"No..."

"Hmm, that needle looks much larger than last time."

"Yes, because it is going in your stomach."

"Ha ha, that is very funny! I thought you just said you were going to give me a shot in the stomach!"

"I did. Lay down."

"Uhm, why do we have to do that?"

"Because studies have been conducted that show that getting it in the hip for too long can cause muscle damage," she said.

"That's okay. I don't mind a little muscle death. Shot in the stomach is not necessary. Really. Hip is good."

"Just lay down," she ordered sternly, brandishing the Needle of Doom at me.

"Christ, what's next? My neck?"

And then, shot in the stomach! The pain! She said it would hurt LESS than the hip! She lied to me! It burned and burned and then it made a bigger bruise than usually happens and then it got swollen and red and angry at me. I tried telling it I was really sorry and it wasn't my idea, so if it could just calm down with the trying to kill me, I'd appreciate it, but my stomach apparently did not care. It made its unhappiness known.

I went to work after that, and hobbled around like a dead old lady and that caused the hate.

I am going to cut this short this time because of the brain death caused by the programmers. I can't think, let alone write. That causes the hate, too. But I am sure you can deal. Or not. Whatever.


link | posted by Zombie at 3:51 PM |


1 Comments:

Anonymous cynlee commented at 10:22 AM~  

Jeez, they don't even give rabies shots in the stomach anymore. WTF?

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