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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

More Improper Thought Permuting

I took yesterday off of work and missed the email about how we had clients coming in today and I should dress up.


I show up in my usual tank top and jeans combo and Secretary's Boyfriend immediately tackles me and drags me into the storage closet.

"Clients today! Didn't you get Secretary's email?"

"Er, no."

"What about the text message?"

"No again."

"Okay, well, you need to have something on that's not a tank top or Boss will be pissed."

"Crap. I don't have anything else, though."

"Guess you'll have to wear one of the t-shirts?"


See, we have t-shirts, with our company logo on them or one of our urls. Unfortunately, the only shirts available at that moment were white with black letters and bright orange with black letters.

I can't wear the white on account of my bra is black and that's just too white trash, even for me.

So he hands me an orange one.

I scurry to the bathroom and change.

I gaze at myself in the mirror.

"Lo," I think to myself. "I look like a pumpkin."

And since the lettering on the shirt was black and I was wearing black jeans, I also looked like Halloween.


I wandered back out of the bathroom and passed Secretary's Boyfriend.

"Is this okay?" I ask.

"Yeah. Heh."

"Rock and roll pumpkihn! Say it again!"


"Y'know. I look like a pumpkin. 'Cos the shirt is orange."


"Rock and roll pumpkihn! Say it again!"


So I spent the day wandering around being a Rock and Roll Pumpkihn, singing my theme song.

No one knew that song, though. Which is unfortunate, because it was done by one of The Greatest Bands of All Time, Green Jellö.

Green Jellö is probably most known for its crappiest song, "Three Little Pigs." And also probably pretty well known for being sued by Jell-o because of their name. This is why they later changed it to Green Jellÿ. It's okay, though, because as they have so graciously explained, a 'y' with an umlaut makes the same sound an 'o' with an umlaut makes.

This is how we know they are totally awesome and hardcore, because what's more metal than an umlaut in the band name? Even though they got sued by Bill Cosby and his Puddin' Pops or whatever, they still stayed true to their metal roots by using that ÿ.

I searched the YouTube for the song, and I found it, but the guy disabled embedding and he's the only one that has it. So go here and be prepared for total domination. If I ever find out where that guy lives, I will kick him in the junk for not allowing me to embed this video. HATE!

Anyway, here are some more Green Jellö videos for your viewing pleasure:

Electric Harley House (of Love)

Cereal Killer: Toucan Son of Sam

Follow your nose! It always knows! The flavor of death! Wherever it goes!

Goddamn, what would you all do without me to bring such refined culture into your lives? My blog is just as good - if not better - than the Louvre or some fucking opera or something.

Ha, Louvre! I totally pwned you. Take that, Götterdämmerung!

Wait. Götterdämmerung has two umlauts in it. I think it's safe to say that, after observing this, the Götterdämmerung is totally metal. So we'll leave that one out.

We'll just tell Madame Butterfly to get fucked instead.

PS - If you're really, really good, I might bring some more culture to you, in the form of GWAR.

Yes, that's right. GWAR.


I totally want to be Slymenstra Hymen when I grow up.

link | posted by Zombie at 7:33 PM |


Blogger Ford commented at 9:12 PM~  

I saw GWAR live at my favorite bar in Morgantown in 1996. I still have the denim jacket with four different colors of stains in it. Even got to talk to them a bit because they went to college with my Anthropology teacher.

If you have the opportunity people you OWE it to yourself to see GWAR live. It's the most kick-ass show I've ever seen.

Blogger Sigivald commented at 1:13 PM~  

Give the pictures of you covered in blood, are you sure you're not Slymenstra already?

Blogger Zombie commented at 2:47 PM~  

There's pictures of me covered in blood? Where?

I don't remember doing anything that would get me covered in blood and then having a picture taken of it.


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