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Thursday, September 07, 2006

Things Zombie Hates Thursday, With Special Guest El Bastardo, In Absentia

EB's hate will come later. Walk it off, flowers.

*****

1.) Comcast.

I have moved to my new place, which means I need the TV and the Interwebs hooked up again. Wednesday, I spent forever on hold with Comcast, trying to get my cable hooked up. I was transferred to three different people and no one knew their asses from a hole in the ground, and blah blah.

I finally get to a guy that can complete my order. He asks if I would like to pay 25 dollars to have a tech install my modem, or do I want to do it myself.

Of course, I decline, because I am perfectly capable of doing it myself and even I am not so lazy as to want to pay 25 bucks to get some other geek to do it for me.

Guy tells me that's fine. Then he says I will need to go down to the office and pick up my modem.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because you are doing a self-install."

"But...can't the cable guy bring it to me when he comes out Thursday?"

"That will cost 25 bucks."

"But I don't want him to install it. I just want him to bring it along with him when he comes to set up the TV cable."

"No, it will cost."

"But he's coming out here anyway. Is it heavy? I can can go out and meet the truck and carry it inside myself, if that's the part that costs the 25 bucks."

"Uh...no. If he brings it with him, it will cost 25 bucks."

"Okay. So. A cable guy that is already coming here anyway cannot also bring along a modem, and save me a trip down to the office, without charging me 25 bucks. Does that make any sense to you?"

"Uh...I don't know. Let me find out." And he puts me on hold.

HE PUT ME ON HOLD. To go find out if something made sense to him or not. I shudder to think how that conversation went.

"Hey, Wendy in the Next Cubicle, does this make sense to me?"

"I don't know, Guy in That Cubicle There, let's ask Phil Down the Aisle. Phil Down the Aisle, does this make sense to Guy in That Cubicle There?"

"I don't know, Wendy in the Next Cubicle. Let's ask Joe..."

And so on. Because dude was seriously gone for 10 minutes, apparently trying to find out whether or not his jackwad company policies make sense to him or not.

When dude came back, he said I didn't have to pay the 25 dollar fee and the cable guy would bring my modem and install kit with him.

"Gee, thanks," I said. I figure he queried a supervisor or something, and to prevent me from being more annoying with my twisty, twisty logic, they just waived the fee.

Fine. Whatever. As long as I don't have to pay 25 bucks for no reason, I'm happy.

2.) PeOpLE tHAT tyPe LiKE tHIs oN tHE IntERwEbS.

That doesn't make you look cool or crazy or whatever you think it makes you look like.

Unless you think it makes you look like a total fucking clownboat, in which case, you're absolutely right.

Ha ha. Clownboat.

3.) People that call me and then ask who I am.

Phone: rrrrrring!

Zombie: Yello.

Fuckwit: Hey.

Zombie: Ummm. Hey.

Fuckwit: Who is this?

Zombie: Uhm, no. YOU called ME. So who are YOU?

Fuckwit: I am looking for So and So.

Zombie: Wrong number.

I HATE that. How rude is that? Do not call someone and then demand to know the identity of the person you called. If you don't know, then you shouldn't be calling that number.

If you happen to have dialed the wrong number, fine, everyone makes mistakes...but don't ask ME who I am. Ask for the person you're trying to reach and then we can quickly establish that you've dialed the wrong number. Have some manners. Sheesh.

4.)Bananas.

I hate bananas. Much like it is with the tomatoes, it is not so much the taste of the banana, but the texture.

I do not like the feel of banana in my mouth. It freaks me out. It's so...mushy. If you try to make me eat a banana, I will do one or more of the following things:

1.) Spit it out on your brand-new shoes.

2.) Tackle your ass, pin you to the floor by the neck, and cram the banana into your fat, stupid mouth.

3.) Cry.

Yes, Zombie has no bananas todaaaay.

*****

Blech.


link | posted by Zombie at 6:39 PM |


3 Comments:

Blogger Judy commented at 11:12 PM~  

Comcast is famous for retarded techs.
I had 6 techs out here before they sent a real one, who had to re-wired the whole house, replace the cable tv box(because it wasn't the right one for this area), and hook up the TV like it is supposed to be.
Then we canceled cable internet. Since they don't understand why they suck.
I can't wait to see how Verizon fiber optic cable works, when they get that up and running. At least they are only mildly retarded.

Blogger Ford commented at 11:31 PM~  

By the way, we never did hear what became of your feud with SBC all that time ago.

Blogger Zombie commented at 5:42 AM~  

SBC did not get the 200 bucks from me, as I just refuse to pay it. They will never get it, never EVER. The bitches.

I stay away from anything to do with them now.

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