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Monday, December 04, 2006

A Sad Day in Zombistan

Skippy alerted me to this story today.

I must say, I'm rather disappointed in law enforcement officials in the city of Minneapolis.

I've never been a fan of Minneapolis. I've only been there once - and that was through that abortion they call an airport - but that was enough to let me know that Minneapolis is not a city that any right-thinking person wants to visit, let alone live in.

This story is further proof that Minneapolis might not just be annoying - no, it might also be the Hades of America.

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) - Six friends spruced up in fake blood and tattered clothing were arrested in downtown Minneapolis on suspicion of toting "simulated weapons of mass destruction."


Simulated weapons of mass destruction! That sounds serious! Did they have suitcases with bombs in them? Were they pushing around a large nuclear warhead on a trolley cart?

Police said the group were allegedly carrying bags with wires sticking out, making it look like a bomb, while meandering and dancing to music as part of a "zombie dance party" Saturday night.


Oh no! Even worse! Wires! Wires in bags! Someone alert the President! This is Serious Business!

One group member said the "weapons" were actually backpacks modified to carry a homemade stereos and were jailed without reason. None of the six adults and one juvenile arrested have been charged.


Okay, so, seriously, what you have here is a bunch of geeks that decided to stop playing AD&D for a few hours and go outside of their moms' basements for a little of the ol' social interaction.

However, we here in Zombistan are disturbed by the fact that zombies are getting picked on like this. It's not their fault they're retarded, you know. It's the lack of oxygen to the brain that does it. They don't know they shouldn't wander around like idiots with wires hanging out of bags because this might make the Officers of the Law suspicious and nervous.

See, I bet it never occurred to any of you that having wires hanging out of bags, as part of some modified hi-fi system you got from the Salvation Army, would make the Officers of the Law get their panties in a bunch. So if it never occurred to you, why should it occur to the living dead? I ask you.

This is an important question for our time, as I forsee many more zombies going out to the dance clubs in The Future of America, and some may even be carrying a Jansport with a radio in it, and so we shouldn't be alarmed. We should just talk calmly to the zombie and explain that This is Not Done, and gently suggest they put the radio somewhere else.

If that doesn't work, well... remember: always aim for the head.

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Please.


link | posted by Zombie at 9:36 PM |


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