tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55389142011-08-30T18:23:59.488-07:00Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.comBlogger1621100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-31130724828080448382006-12-20T19:14:00.000-08:002006-12-20T19:16:05.936-08:00

Don't say we never gave you nothin.'Cuddles,Zombie & El Bastardo

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-32711527190964732522006-12-19T05:40:00.000-08:002006-12-19T06:29:41.931-08:00

Most of you probably already know this, but Skippy's father passed away on the 17th.He wrote about this, which you can read here.Skippy has been my best friend for many years. He has been with me through some of the roughest times in my life - times I did not think I could keep my head up, and, indeed, times I wasn't sure I wanted to keep my head up. We all have those times, to be sure, and it is

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-81963956840952200712006-12-14T22:08:00.000-08:002006-12-14T23:20:12.548-08:00

I said, boy, you are my Fifth Avenue.*****1.) Standing in Line to Mail Things.Went to the UPS Store to mail off Festivus packages to EB and my family today. I stood in line for, I shit you not, an hour and a half. I have long held the belief that over half of America is retarded and this just reinforced my ideas.There were only two people in line ahead of me and I stood in line for an hour and a

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-47108332233151416642006-12-09T17:26:00.000-08:002006-12-09T18:28:47.409-08:00

See, I didn't do the Hate on Thursday because a friend was so kind as to loan me the 5th season of 24 on DVD, so I've been jumping around the living room and screaming at the TV while watching that.It's important, you understand. I am a rabid 24 fanatic, but will only watch it on DVD now. It's a trend my old roommate started, as I hadn't seen the show before and he gave me Season 2 on DVD once

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1738283449063128932006-12-05T19:10:00.000-08:002006-12-05T19:56:14.597-08:00

It's December now.How frightening is that?I decided I would do that thing where I pretend like I'm a good parent and take my kids to see Santa.My son is now of an age where he does not believe in Santa anymore and takes every opportunity to inform my daughter that Santa isn't real.Of course, I think he's actually known that for a while now. I remember a time a few years ago, when his father asked

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-18695578832847980402006-12-04T21:36:00.000-08:002006-12-04T21:59:26.207-08:00

Skippy alerted me to this story today.I must say, I'm rather disappointed in law enforcement officials in the city of Minneapolis.I've never been a fan of Minneapolis. I've only been there once - and that was through that abortion they call an airport - but that was enough to let me know that Minneapolis is not a city that any right-thinking person wants to visit, let alone live in.This story is

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-89556451454028136212006-11-30T21:05:00.000-08:002006-11-30T21:51:42.178-08:00

Apparently, while I wasn't paying attention, I turned into Suzy flippin' Creamcheese.You see, this evening, after having dinner out with the kiddos and some friends, we stopped at The Holiest of Holies, Big Lots. And I got excited. About buying a garbage can.Yes, it's sad.If you don't have a Big Lots in your area, woe unto you. Closeout stores rule the earth, people. They rock my world. Because I

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-81234652481444491782006-11-28T21:10:00.000-08:002006-11-28T21:31:58.728-08:00

...and I posted on it. I know. Freaky.The past week-and-more has been rather busy for me. Work stuff has been slightly overwhelming, leaving me with not much patience for anything else except posting snotty comments at Trainwrecks.You might think that I am effortlessly snotty, but no, sometimes it takes work to haughtily call someone a poser or poke fun at the mentally ill.Either way, it's a

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-7872539626457370002006-11-19T18:52:00.000-08:002006-11-19T20:01:47.695-08:00

The past two weeks have seen we at Chez Zombie in the Emergency Room of the local hospital not once, but two times.And that's fun.The first illness to strike was an earache for my son. He woke up at 3 AM, shrieking his head off. I ran to see what the hell was going on, and he had all this...gunk...pouring out of his ear. Which is always something you want to see at 3 AM.So, off to the hospital we

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-36068369090541015642006-11-16T18:11:00.000-08:002006-11-16T21:38:32.696-08:00

*****1.) People That Mix Up "Phase" and "Faze."Dear sweet bleedin' Jesus, I hate it when people mix those words up. Well, really it's that people don't seem to be aware that the word "faze" exists. Every time I see someone write something like, "He was unphased by the commotion," or, "The insults did not phase her," I just want to slap a fat kid.And not in the good way, either.Listen up, chumps!

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-71960052768948206412006-11-13T20:57:00.000-08:002006-11-13T22:43:00.352-08:00

Well, I just gave in and switched over to the Blogger Beta.It actually looks much better than the old Blogger, but we'll see how that goes. Not that there's anything I'll actually do if I happen to hate the Blogger Beta. Except, y'know, complain a lot.The idea of switching over to something like TypePad or, gawd forbid, WordPress, makes me do a bit of the slanty eye.Such things are too fancy for

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1163139720893026132006-11-09T20:37:00.000-08:002006-11-13T20:55:38.445-08:00

Something very strange has happened.Today, I can't hate.You see, in light of this week's awesome elections here in the United States of Duhmerica, I'm just full of the happy. I know, I know. So odd!I've decided that I will just post a short list of things that I love, in no particular order, instead of my usual constant stream of invective. *****1.) Rummy resigned.2.) Santorum is OUT, baby!3.)

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1163055371757324002006-11-08T21:47:00.000-08:002006-11-13T20:55:38.360-08:00

You may recall that I have recently relocated. I found a decent little house at the right price and I trucked the kids and (hardly any) of our belongings right on into it.And that went well.For about three weeks.Then my new landlord - let's call him Jethro, as he seems to have a penchant towards plaid flannel shirts and would look right nice with a piece of straw hanging out of his mouth - showed

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1162967933054412052006-11-07T21:03:00.000-08:002006-11-13T20:55:38.283-08:00

Yesterday, I heard a knock at the door."Wee!" I thought. "A visitor!"I rarely have visitors, you see, on account of how I'm surly and a hermit. This usually doesn't bother me. In fact, I think the last time it really bothered me was when my son was an infant and I'd have to go days and days without actual Adult Conversation. Consequently, I would casually waylay the mailman with clever witticisms

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1162528082542796922006-11-02T19:13:00.000-08:002006-11-13T20:55:38.198-08:00

I got the abattoir blues, right down to my shoes.*****1.) Snow.Just...no. I am not even prepared for winter. So the snow can stop now and I'll be really happy. Really. I will.Okay, I won't be happy, per se, but I might be less overwhelmingly angst-ridden.Maybe.2.) When You Throw Away a Receipt.I am not the most organized person on the planet. If you look in my purse, you'll see that I don't even

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1162436772653925252006-11-01T17:50:00.000-08:002006-11-13T20:55:38.116-08:00

I read two memoirs this week. One was The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls and the other was Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs.I hear they are making Running with Scissors into a movie now. Or it's already been made into one. Or something to that effect. I'm not sure how they're going to do that, mostly because nothing really happened in the book that was coherent enough to make a movie

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1162186452521206182006-10-29T21:15:00.000-08:002006-11-13T20:55:38.015-08:00

Turns out that my daughter is more useful than I previously thought.True, she makes valiant attempts at pulling her weight. After all, by the tender age of two, I had sent her out, like her brother before her, to get a damned job and start earning her keep. Ever after, she has been working like a migrant under the hot sun, tilling the soil and picking the cotton.Saturday, I found out that she may

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1161926564292615972006-10-26T21:11:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:37.934-08:00

I did not die. You may or may not be pleased to learn this. I can never tell with you jackals.I think EB is off on a clocktower-esque type killing spree at the moment, though. I tell him he needs to get rid of this excess aggression in a constructive manner and that is what he comes up with?I'm so proud.Anyway, ZOMG TEH HATE COMETH.***** The Disappointing Nature of Hallowe'en These Days.When I

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1161237993769471472006-10-18T21:49:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:37.858-08:00

Here comes low-flying random! Watch out!*****1.) I have joined this writing group, under the silly, silly impression that joining a writing group may spur me to actually write again. And by "write," I mean write anything that's not for work, a food-shoppin' (Hey, my Pittsburgh is showing! Get back now! 'n 'at!) list scrawled on the back of my energy bill envelope in red crayon (list usually

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1160713584813346772006-10-12T18:29:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:37.779-08:00

The darkness drops again; but now I knowThat twenty centuries of stony sleepWere vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle*****1.) People Using Those Walkie-Talkie Phone Thingies in the Store.You know what makes me crazy? I mean really crazy, not my usual chipper sort of stream of consciousness yippety-yapping about twenty subjects at once sort of crazy. And if you've never had the dubious pleasure

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1160542638194267292006-10-10T21:23:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:37.700-08:00

So I thought I'd take a moment to just introduce you all to some excellent songs I've come across this week.We'll start with a video clip from Da Ali G Show, featuring the well-loved Khazak, Borat. This clip is from his country music adventure - which is hilarious in its entirety, and can be found here.The bits leading up to the part I am posting involve Borat going to a country and western

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1160454224418416642006-10-09T18:27:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:37.618-08:00

My son came home with this...flyer...today. Now, you all might have noticed EB and me (EB and me, har, that rhymes, I'm so poetical-like) complaining about our kids getting exposed to religious shit that we don't approve of. And we don't approve of any religious shit, so just GET AWAY FROM OUR KIDS YOU OBNOXIOUS PACK OF CUNTS AHHHH I CAN'T STAND IT. AHHHHH. Ahhh. Ahh. Eh.Err. Sorry. Outburst.

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1160185318068824212006-10-06T18:36:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:37.544-08:00

Okay, How can ANY of you not know what has transpired in the last week.I am, of course, speaking of the Distinguished Gentleman from Florida, Mark Foley.I will not delve into all the gory details (mainly because, every day, new ones come out).No, I will instead discuss the real fuckwittery that is taking place behind Congressman "Foley Erect."I am talking about the finger-pointing, lying,

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1160089820621222102006-10-05T14:15:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:37.468-08:00

Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it.*****1.) Overtired Whirling Dervishes.I love that my daughter goes to a nice preschool, where she is now getting swimming lessons and writing her name efficiently and coming home to inform me of Very Important Things, like which kid always spills his milk because he's a big baby and what sort of dress so-and-so was wearing and how this one kid colored

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1159764543219661722006-10-01T15:41:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:37.387-08:00

I've done this before, but I'm going to do it again, because it's apparent no one pays attention to this stuff. And people need to. The Interwebs is becoming a vast garbage dump, and it's all your fault. Yes, your fault. You. You, the one that writes the blog and puts it on the Interwebs and hurts my brain. You. I hate you.Ahem.Earlier today, I was completely amazed by several blogs. These blogs

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1159583068689034212006-09-29T19:18:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:37.308-08:00

Okay. As many of you know from my earlier rants, I am not a big fan of religion. Nor do I put much confidence in those who practice and/or believe in any form of religion. But as long as they keep their idiotic childlike fantasies to themselves, I have no problem.But it seems that the fundie fuckwit invasion is already upon us, boys and girls.Case in point: As we all know, state-sanctioned

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1159505179926642302006-09-28T20:01:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:37.221-08:00

Are you loathesome tonight?*****1.) Humans That Come Into Contact With My Children.Earlier, I was sitting here at the computar machiene while the kids ate their dinner. They had asked for pot pies and I won't eat those things, so I let them eat on their own tonight. I was listening to music, fairly loud. Opeth, if you must know.The kids go, "MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM!""What?!" I ask, and turn the tunes

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1159419192600599062006-09-27T21:41:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:37.144-08:00

Last night, I had a nightmare. It was truly scary. One of those ones that seem to go on and on and on forever and you can't escape.And like most of my nightmares, this one was absurd.You see, Dog the Bounty Hunter had kidnapped my children. You'd think that someone with a Mullet Most Magnificent and a cool theme song done by Ozzy...you'd think he wouldn't be interested in snatching children,

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1158935937082330162006-09-22T06:39:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:37.068-08:00

Yeah, didn't get a chance to write last night. I'd like to say it was because I was out on the town, havin' a blast, gettin' drunk, gettin' in fights, gettin' arrested, goin' to jail, and gettin' my fellowship on with my companion drunken cellmates by singing "Go Down, Moses" in four-part harmony, but alas. That did not happen.My real life is so much more excruciatingly boring than all that,

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1158734793952880262006-09-19T17:25:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:36.978-08:00

When I'm not spending my time doing all the things that a jet-setting young unprofessional such as myself does (You know, like eating cheap cardboard-tasting frozen pizza while watching movies on the TV and hollering at the people on the screen as if they can hear me before remembering to call all my friends to remind them that there is a sale going on at the Dollar Store so we best get to gettin

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1158465030309447122006-09-16T19:27:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:36.899-08:00

El Bastardo's Rant on the Suckage of Politicizing 9/11 Is it just me, or has anyone else gotten tired of all the bloviating, self-important rants from this fuckwit of a president and his cohorts, trying to gain brown-nosing points by using one of the worst attacks on U.S. soil as a means to get in another few years of ripping off this nation?I mean, you just turn on the TV, listen to the radio,

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1158384795639495602006-09-15T21:59:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:36.824-08:00

You can always tell when school has started back up. No, it's not the slight chill of winter-to-come in the air, nor the start of the leaves fading to brown. No, you can always tell when school has started back up because your 1st grader with the big brown eyes will come home bearing plague.So now I am once again having a bout of Ebola. My son sniffled for two days and got over it, but whenever

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1158295282796793822006-09-14T20:12:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:36.752-08:00

Buy a tiger. Buy a monkey. Buy a ha ha.*****1.) The View From My Back Door.My new house doesn't have much of a yard - which is not really a big deal, since we're around the corner from a large and well-tended playground - but what little backyard it does have butts up against the house behind me's backyard.So, every time I stroll into my kitchen, I am whacked in the face with this:Wait, now, that

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1158029474063141242006-09-11T16:30:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:36.665-08:00

Asher is a 1st grader now and I cannot begin to tell you how much this disturbs me. I can clearly remember when I was a 1st grader, and I suppose it really wasn't all that long ago. My 1st grade teacher's name was Mrs. Yee and she fed us cactus and made paper samurai hats for us. We flew kites and celebrated Chinese New Year with a paper dragon and suchlike.I also remember her bringing us a

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1157779301681939642006-09-08T21:05:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:36.582-08:00

I hate moving. Cable guy showed up and brought forth the modem and cable box from on high and a beam of sunlight swooped down to rest gently upon my fevered, high-speed-Interwebs-less brow and a choir of fat babies with wings sang and played harps. Or, no, maybe I am confused about the whole singing winged babies thing. I think the singing winged babies showed up when I got all new pots and pans

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1157686817950738592006-09-07T18:39:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:36.503-08:00

EB's hate will come later. Walk it off, flowers.*****1.) Comcast.I have moved to my new place, which means I need the TV and the Interwebs hooked up again. Wednesday, I spent forever on hold with Comcast, trying to get my cable hooked up. I was transferred to three different people and no one knew their asses from a hole in the ground, and blah blah.I finally get to a guy that can complete my

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1157082899997783572006-08-31T19:05:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:36.420-08:00

Worship at your leisure.1.) Medication commercials.I hate commercials for medications.I do not want to turn on my TV so I can watch "Dog the Bounty Hunter" for four hours straight while hanging my head over the side of the couch and drooling only to see a commercial for some random medication.I hate the ancient vaginas rambling about how they don't let osteoporosis get them down. I don't give a

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1156826097406611352006-08-28T20:31:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:36.334-08:00

Every day, when I check my little site meter, I am filled with joy. I like seeing where you freaky people come from, but more importantly, I like seeing the Google searches that get people here.You see, it turns out that I am now second on Google, behind the illustrious Pamie and one of her blogs, The Lotion and the Basket, when one searches for "Jame Gumb tuck dance." Some other variations of

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1156649915302011122006-08-26T19:06:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:36.249-08:00

So, on the way home from work yesterday, I got the idea that I might not have enough Diet Coke to last me the weekend, and this caused the panic.So I had Roommate stop at a package store out on Packard. This is a package store I have not been to, but is now my favorite store, even though they charged me an arm and a leg for two 12-packs.Anyway, I get in there and I grab my Coke and mosey up to

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1156479149754324962006-08-24T17:07:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:36.169-08:00

Run, motherfucker, run!1.) Half-assed compliments.I have gotten many half-assed compliments in my short yet unbearably cool and sexy life. Half-assed compliments are those ones where someone, usually unintentionally, says something that is supposed to be nice, but ends up being...well, not.Examples of half-assed compliments that have been paid to me:"You don't look that bad, Zombie's Real Name.""

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1156217705119843862006-08-21T17:12:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:36.086-08:00

So, I'm moving.I am continuing with the getting rid of everything. It's freeing! It's wonderful! It's...back-breaking labor! Hooray!Now, I wouldn't want to be the bearer of bad news (ha!) or anything, but I must tell y'all: if you run up and down the stairs 900 times in 3 hours, carrying heavy stuff? You get really tired. Like, really tired. Like,

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1155840797184899412006-08-17T11:52:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:35.993-08:00

Nothing, nothing, tra la la.1.) Hats I hate hats. Okay, technically, I like hats. It's the fact that I look like an idiot when I put one on that I hate. I would like to be able to wear hats without vaguely resembling some drooling caveman reject. Like maybe the one that was driven from the village for being too weird or something and left to fight off the dinosaurs all alone and die a grisly

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1155787891642830012006-08-16T20:23:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:35.915-08:00

Shit, y'all. So, I haven't blogged in days and days, but this time I have a real excuse that doesn't involve me being tired or lazy or antisocial or not giving a shit.I couldn't log into Blogger. The Blogger start page would load, all nice and neat, but the new sign-in function they've acquired while implementing the Blogger Beta? Well, that part wouldn't load. It appears to be attached to Google

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1155264292268887682006-08-10T18:31:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:33.778-08:00

Here comes the pain!1.) Idiots on p2p thingies what keep around fucked up mp3s.You know how you're buzzing happily along, downloading some music, la la, and you finally get a song you've been wanting for a while and then you play it and...pfft? It skips or makes a weird noise and basically ruins the song?Yeah, I hate that.But what I hate more is that people keep these messed up files and spread

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1155096836853292922006-08-08T19:21:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:33.700-08:00

You might have noticed by now that I am a little bit weird. Okay, more than a little bit.But I like to use my weirdness to amuse myself, which I do on a daily basis.For example, I like to enter Coworker #1's office in a strange manner.Sometimes, I'll burst into the room, hollering "HEY!" Sometimes, I will peek around the doorjamb and make a weird noise. Things like that.Today, the first time, I

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1155002255314928222006-08-07T17:25:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:33.631-08:00

The DescentI saw The Descent on Friday.That was one badass movie. Unlike The Passion of Mel Gibson's Ego, the gore in The Descent has a point and is tastefully done. Even when one of the main characters is literally swimming in what amounts to a kiddie wading pool of blood and gobbets of flesh, it seems so...artful. I'm not going to give away plot points or anything, though the story itself isn't

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1154656610412537282006-08-03T17:20:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:33.483-08:00

And away we go...1. That Woman That Brought Those Kids to My House Last Night.I'm moving out of this dump soon, to a shiny new place, which is cause for the happy...but what's not cause for the happy is that they are showing the house right now, to potential new renters, while I'm still in it. Generally, this is not a problem, as the people come in, gawk around for a few minutes, and then leave,

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1154574351833559442006-08-02T18:51:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:33.407-08:00

*Okay, not all mothers, since I am a mother and I don't have a particular yen to burn to death today. But the rest of you? Oh, you.I was just reading the illustrious Skippy's blog. It should come as no surprise that he is again talking about breasts. Often, when reading one of Skippy's many, many posts about breasts, my eyes glaze over, because I don't really care about breasts all that much.But

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1154490363827125482006-08-01T19:33:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:33.334-08:00

I took yesterday off of work and missed the email about how we had clients coming in today and I should dress up.Oops.I show up in my usual tank top and jeans combo and Secretary's Boyfriend immediately tackles me and drags me into the storage closet. "Clients today! Didn't you get Secretary's email?""Er, no.""What about the text message?""No again.""Okay, well, you need to have something on

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1154300929783876192006-07-30T15:08:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:33.255-08:00

I went to see Clerks 2 Friday night. I am a huge fan of the first Clerks movie and this was definitely a fitting follow-up. I laughed my ass off, and even now, two days later, when I think of some of the shit in that movie, I start laughing all over again.Jason Mewes' impression of Jame Gumb's penis-tuck dance from The Silence of the Lambs, complete with the music, lipstick and nipple-rubbing (

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1154053887103849032006-07-27T17:58:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:33.188-08:00

It's that time again...no, not that time. The other time. Silly.1.) Humidity.I loathe humidity with an unreserved passion. When it is humid, I am put in a foul mood that can only be partly lifted by smashing something or perhaps acquiring a fine Wendy's Frosty for myself. There is nothing nastier than stepping outside of a morning after a nice shower and immediately feeling as if you've been

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1153967572671803642006-07-26T19:21:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:33.115-08:00

I am half-dead from the working and the breathing, so I cannot write. But I can give you joy in the form of Hope is Emo.I hate emos, but I will save that rant for tomorrow, since tomorrow is Thursday.This is done by the dudes at Ask a Ninja and Christa Flanagan from MadTV.Oh yeah, and check this out. Got that by way of SJ at I, Asshole. SJ rules.

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1153801989860056102006-07-24T20:59:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:33.042-08:00

I got a new cell phone today. That couldn't be easy, though. No, of course not. I ordered it from the online Sprint store a few days ago. It was a fantastic deal. Yay for me, I thought. I fill out the little form thing. I get to the part where it asks for a home phone number, and leave that blank, as I do not have a home phone number. I have a company cell phone and that is all.Order form won't

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1153614506872650702006-07-22T16:51:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:32.969-08:00

Continuing with my Getting Rid of Everything in Sight theme for the summer, I went into my closet and pitched almost everything.See, I had a box of clothes in there For When I'm Skinny Again. I figured now was a good time to go through it all and get rid of the stuff I don't want/need anymore. So I tried everything on - and lo, my things from high school fit again! But...do I really need these

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1153461933844469972006-07-20T19:20:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:32.883-08:00

Wella-well, it's Thursday again already and that means it's time for more hate! 1.) Being chained to my desk.Today was the last day of Insane-o Huge Important Project Thing at work, which is nice, but it also meant I was to be chained to my desk for the better part of 9 hours. Being the Idiot Savant Tech Person that I am, I had to run interference like a mofo from the office where the technology

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com65tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1153273996551668742006-07-18T17:05:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:32.815-08:00

When I got home from work today, I was immediately In a Mood. This Mood made me want to throw away everything I could get my hands on.When I got out of the car, I noticed that the garbagemen were incredibly late and that made it the perfect time to be in such a mood.So, I grab a garbage bag and begin stuffing random crap into it. I clean out a kitchen cupboard - coffee filters, egg noodles, bag

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1153194724976425322006-07-17T20:32:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:32.744-08:00

Absolutely nothing. Say it again.That's also what I got: absolutely nothing.I was writing this long rambly post about nothing, but then I heard a weird noise. I went upstairs to investigate, and lo, it is the wind, being windy.Very windy.Suddenly, my front blows open. I go over and shove it closed and throw the bolt. Then I figure I better start shutting windows, which is a hellacious prospect,

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1153071200003598522006-07-16T08:18:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:32.670-08:00

Sometimes, I can't sleep.Last night, I couldn't sleep, even though I knew full well I'd have to go in to work today and break my brain just a little bit more on this project.No amount of stern talking-to, desperate cajoling or weeping on the floor would make me sleep. So I read. Then I finished the book and couldn't bring myself to start another, so I dragged myself downstairs to see if any

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1152983008496842052006-07-15T08:49:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:32.589-08:00

I had to work today and that was lame. But it was only for three hours instead of the 900 hours I expected, so I guess it's not as bad as it could be.Anyway, I have decided to bestow upon you some choice videos I've come across on the YouTube.I love the YouTube. You can find anything you want on the YouTube, from music videos to kids acting like idiots to people getting hurt in fantastic ways to.

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1152922823086086082006-07-14T16:11:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:32.512-08:00

I will first announce something I actually love. I love it that when I went to the clinic on Wednesday for the Shot of Death in my stomach, I got weighed.And I have lost 50 pounds in the last three months and that is FANTASTIC. So go me. I love me. LOVE ME. I love me so much right now that I could almost throw all caution to the wind and marry myself at the guitar-shaped Elvis chapel in Vegas.

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1152845091963880262006-07-13T15:51:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:32.440-08:00

Well, it's Thursday again, and that means it's time for another installment of Things Zombie Hates Thursday. The joy. The unrelenting joy.1.) Programmers.Okay, okay, so technically, I could be called a programmer, since I do some o' that at work, but I don't hate me (at the moment) so I am just talking about other programmers. Specifically the ones we've hired to do a Very Important and Time

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1152676614184998712006-07-11T19:13:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:32.365-08:00

Breaking news: I've watched some movies. Ooo. I've recently seen two movies that are new to me. I am usually behind on these things by at least 7 years, so bear with me, okay? The Jesus Snuff FilmUp until a couple of weeks ago, if anyone asked me, "Have you seen The Passion of the Christ?" I could say "NO, NOW GO AWAY" quite honestly. I can still say "GO AWAY" honestly, but I cannot still say "NO

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1152483341055481812006-07-09T14:33:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:32.285-08:00

El Bastardo and I frequently have interesting conversations, many of which would make for excellent blog fodder (except for the pornographic ones, because NO), but many of them might give away his Secret Identity, forcing him to retire to his Fortess of Bastarditude for the forseeable future, lest some crazy supervillain rear its ugly cartoony head and perhaps annoy us both. And we all know how

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1152389894824806702006-07-08T12:33:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:32.208-08:00

While in Seattle, as previously mentioned, I had a chance to hang out with the Incredible Shrinking Sister on several occasions.Turns out she's not so Shrinky-Dinky anymore, because her therapy appears to be working. This is a good thing, because the whole praying mantis thing she had going on before was more than a little disturbing. Kid is back to eating again, though she's on a diet that her

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1152232270358297482006-07-06T15:51:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:32.126-08:00

Welcome to a new feature here at Deus ex Machina. We're going to call it Things Zombie Hates Thursday. And it will happen on...Thursdays. And it will be about...things I hate. Because I am clever and subtle.Because, now, this may come as a shock to you, but I hate things. I hate a lot of things. And I thought Thursday would be a good day o' the week to talk about these things (also 'Thursday'

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1151989248316558472006-07-03T19:24:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:32.047-08:00

I like to travel. It makes me feel fancy-dancy and special (not short bus special, though - I save that for the really special occasions, like when I put my shoes on the wrong feet or walk out into traffic) and all of that happy crappy.What I don't like, however, are airports. Okay, to be more accurate, airports don't like me. I have yet in my life to have an uneventful plane escapade and I

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1151949760097081812006-07-03T10:19:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:31.969-08:00

My mother was better behaved than I anticipated she would be. Don't get me wrong, she got in a few zingers, but we managed to get along fairly well. She even let me cook dinner most nights, which is weird, since my mother's kitchen is just that...my mother's kitchen. She doesn't like other people to cook in her kitchen. If I had a nice kitchen, I'd be that way, too, I think. BACK THE FUCK OFF MY

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1151893950938268182006-07-02T17:57:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:31.889-08:00

Oh. Hi. I'm back. Again.This time from St. Louis. I am a World Traveler. Well, okay, a Several State Traveler. But I had a grand time in St. Louis, since I was visiting many folks whose company I enjoy, namely my foster family and former CIM staffer Caligula.My foster family down there is large. Very large. And friendly. Very friendly. Sure, it's friendly in a "Hey, fuck you, buddy" type way, but

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1151393015227235952006-06-26T23:57:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:31.799-08:00

Oh. Hi. I'm back.Turns out, the laptop what weighs a million pounds and I lugged all over Detroit Metro and Sea-Tac and hell and back and so forth? Yeah, couldn't get online with it. Seven people in my mother's neighborhood had the wireless, oh indeed they did, but they had it security-enabled, thusly not allowing me to fucking use it.Needless to say, I am disappointed that they would not let me

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1150418236683421882006-06-15T16:18:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:31.728-08:00

There are days, and then there are days, if you know what I mean. This my excuse for not blogging. I know that all (3) of my adoring fans have been just pining away. I apologize.Okay, no I don't. Fuck y'all.Anyhow, the spawn and I leave tomorrow evening for a fun-filled week-ish with my parents and Incredible Shrinking Sister. My mother called me three times this morning, within five minutes,

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1149649624676943512006-06-06T20:01:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:31.515-08:00

Today, I got a hit from someone Googling something very strange:"getting raped" rapist my neighbors kid always cries every day screaming Uhm, what? What is that? Is it some weird sex thing? Did someone get confused on the way to finding the rape porn and mix it up with his concern for the kids getting their asses beaten next door...? Perhaps he was like, "Hey, I need me some rape porn...can't

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1149559731863632462006-06-05T18:10:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:31.442-08:00

I SAW PENGUINS! YAY!Today was my son's kindergarten field trip to the Toledo Zoo. I took the day off and went along, because I am still doing that pretending to be a good parent thing. The day started off with me being crammed into a school bus with 50 screaming kids and their equally screaming parents. My son, surprisingly, was not one of the screaming kids.I was so surprised by his utter

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1149380724873364772006-06-03T16:58:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:31.374-08:00

People of This Earth: Please save this picture. We may need it one day when my children are known as International Criminals and I have gone missing. You can take it around and show it to people, "Have you seen this chick? Sure, she's weird and dumb and dangerously insane, as well as Mad, Bad and Dangerous to Know, but we miss her! She made up the phrase 'ham donut' and that means she is

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1149222734186095602006-06-01T20:26:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:31.285-08:00

When I got to work today, one of the interns was sitting on one of the large rocks in front of the office door. No one had arrived to let us in, apparently, so I sat down with her to shoot the shit, as it were. Because I was feeling friendly. I don't know why. Usually, I am not friendly that early in the morning. Usually, I am very much like "Get away or I'll eat your face off. Fucker."So she

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1149124624290973252006-05-31T17:34:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:29.872-08:00

It has been too hot to formulate a coherent thought, and as such, I cannot seem to come up with a topic that will make for a post of decent length.Instead, I've decided to make this a Post of Miscellany. It will be disjointed and probably utterly appalling. Aren't you excited? I bet you are. Or not. Whatever.1.) Here is a picture of my desk at work:Yes, those are my walls. They are blood red. No,

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1148968314604166942006-05-29T22:42:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:29.798-08:00

It is too hot to post anything important today (like I ever post anything important, hah!).I think the sun wants to be my boyfriend. Because it is all over my ass. All. Over.My.Ass.It is rather painful and annoying and I am all like, "Okay, sun, I get that you dig me and my ass and all that, but really, can you back off a little? Just a tad? Because I'm fucking melting over here, and the humidity

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1148837760842060352006-05-28T10:20:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:29.719-08:00

I mentioned how the Water Authority came and dug up my front yard to do something to the pipes. In the process of doing something to the pipes, they managed to nick the water main, which meant more digging.When they were done, they left several huge holes and piles of crap everywhere. It looked like an archaeological dig. I kept waiting for the kids to unearth some dinosaur bones or

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1148767534976649842006-05-27T14:50:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:29.652-08:00

My kids were invited to a birthday party for one of Asher's classmates today. The party was held in the 9th Circle of Hell -- I mean, Chuck E. Cheese. Same difference.My son has been talking about this party for two weeks straight now. "How will we get to the party, Mom?" "Where is it? Chuck E. Cheese? OH MY GOD!" "Is it time for the party yet?" Etc. Drove me nuts.So, both kids were very excited

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1148708337279668912006-05-26T22:07:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:29.303-08:00

I mentioned in the previous post that men sometimes holler things at me when I am walking down the street. This does not piss me off, for the most part, because, really, it's sometimes entertaining.Sure, I get the usual "HEEYYYY!" and "WOOOO!" and suchlike.Sometimes I even get the odd Mexican in a low rider, "OYE, MAMACITA!!! AIEEEEEE!"But sometimes it's much, much better. One day, I am walking

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1148616026534204992006-05-25T19:17:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:29.218-08:00

I love the Interwebs. The Interwebs is a wonderful place, full of wonderful things for me to gawk at, like this:The Interwebs is also a wonderful place for me to have wonderful conversations, such as when Hunter and I decide that the only way to save the human race is to airdrop inflatable fucksheep stuffed full of chocolate bunnies over Iraq, or when Indigenous Insurgent and I realize that he's

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1148528762268340642006-05-24T20:27:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:29.147-08:00

Despite still having the Ebola, I went back to work today.We had a lunchtime meeting. I like those, as they generally include Chinese food I do not have to pay for.Anyway, so at this meeting, I shamble in, being all suffering from the Ebola as I am, and Boss looks at me.Boss: You sit back there.Zombie: Huh?Boss: Sit back there.Zombie: At the table at the back?Boss: Yes.Zombie: Oh. Don't want to

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1148397785355938762006-05-23T07:48:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:29.066-08:00

It was an interesting weekend here at Casa del Zombie. If by "interesting" we mean "absolutely and utterly horrifying," that is.Sunday, I am sitting here, fiddling around on the computer and my daughter is playing behind me. I hear a thump and a scream, which isn't unusual, because, as we have discussed before, my daughter is Very Graceful.So I turn around and am confronted with this:Well, okay,

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1148186242721978762006-05-20T19:20:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:28.996-08:00

I managed to almost finish mowing the lawn today. I have this little bit next to the neighbors' driveway that needs done, but the neighbors had to inconvenience me by being out in said driveway, working on a truck, and while I personally wouldn't have minded mowing along anyway and spraying them with wet grass clippings, I thought they might not be happy about it.Also, it gave me an excuse to

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1148103205337104052006-05-19T21:53:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:28.926-08:00

*Note: Again with the title not having anything to do with the content - sorry, Acid Bath this time.Today, it wasn't raining.This is news, since it has been raining up here in Sunny Time Michigan for the past week and a half straight.Do you know what happens when it rains for a week and a half straight in the spring in Sunny Time Michigan?The grass grows.And grows.And grows.And you can't mow it

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1148000243641326342006-05-18T16:59:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:28.857-08:00

* Note: Title of post has nothing whatsoever to do with content of post. I just happened to be listening to Dimmu Borgir at the time of this writing.As mentioned before, I am a Very Graceful person. If by "Very Graceful" we actually mean "Not At All Graceful and Quite Possibly Retarded," that is.I am prone to limping, falling down, running into stuff, dropping stuff and bruising myself on a

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1147835999850858362006-05-16T19:22:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:28.793-08:00

So I did not blog for like, one whole day, and got bitched at for it, and I am like, "OMG, people, shut up!"So to make up for it, I have decided it is time to resurrect a feature of this blog that has been most popular in the past.Yes, that's right.It's time for....Yes, I know you all missed it. You pined and pined. "When, Lord, WHEN's gonna be my turn to see Zombie's Mad Paint Skizillz back in

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1147660770214311772006-05-14T16:42:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:28.718-08:00

Today is Mother's Day. Obviously.I got the best Mother's Day present EVER. Would you like to know what it shwas? Okay, I tell you what it shwas.A fucking fat lip, that's what it shwas.I was laying on the couch and my tiny daughter sidles up to me."I will cuddle you, Mommy.""Oh, that's nice, honey. How cute you are." Her angelic face beams at me and she begins crawling up onto the couch and onto

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1147571473374575852006-05-13T18:42:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:28.636-08:00

You may all be aware that I moonlight as a great humanitarian. If you were not aware of that, now you are. Part of being a great humanitarian means that I keep up on world crises. I have long been greatly interested in the atrocities and human rights violations that happen daily in the various countries of Africa. People starve and die over there in great numbers, every day. It's a damned shame,

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1147493221578632332006-05-12T20:21:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:28.562-08:00

I have a confession to make. Oh yes. I have a deep, dark secret to share with all (3) of you.This is a secret that has shamed me for many a year now. So many times have I wanted to just come out with it...so many times have I wanted to unburden myself, take this great weight from my shoulders, and admit it to the entire world.So I'll just come right out and say it:I love Lifetime movies.I know.

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1147317749474662042006-05-10T18:09:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:28.421-08:00

This might be incoherent, since I'm hopped up on Benadryl, but you can deal. Or not. Whatever.So, I have been keeping to my diet and exercise thing. Even though I occasionally visit Bennigan's to consume fried chicken salads, I make sure I still go to the gym and do not eat any dinner on those days. After all, one fried chicken salad probably contains enough calories to last me a week. And I

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1147229433830708942006-05-09T19:44:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:28.354-08:00

My spawn are some weird kids, let me tell you. They infuriate the hell out of me a lot of the time, but they're also cute and hysterically funny.Case in point:Yesterday, I decided it was time for a haircut for the both of them. So we went out onto the back deck, and I trimmed my son's hair up, and then began to trim my daughter's bangs."What are you doing, Mom?" my daughter asks."Uh...trimming

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1147129689627113892006-05-08T15:43:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:28.284-08:00

I went out to lunch with some coworkers today.We went to Bennigan's, which we are prone to do, as we are on a mission to outsmart them. You see, they have this 15-minute-lunch-thing, where they tell you if they don't bring your food out in 15 minutes, it's free. We keep taking them up on this offer, but alas, the wily, wily cooks at Bennigan's are speedy and have yet to fuck it up and give us

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1146939377293359902006-05-06T09:43:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:28.205-08:00

If you read the previous post entitled "Zombie Leads an Exciting Life," then you know I have book issues.Lots of book issues. Supersized book issues. I am the literary equivalent of the Crazy Cat Lady. But I have found a way to resolve the fire hazard that has become my house.I initially thought of selling them off, but that will take too much time and effort for not much money. We thought about

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1146775132229805802006-05-04T07:34:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:28.063-08:00

So, I mentioned the "brain fog" thing before. Fibromyalgia has a tendency to make the person suffering from it...confused. And quite possibly retarded.I often forget what I am talking about in the middle of a sentence and then have to cover for it gracefully, like so:Zombie: Hello, Zombie's Boss.Zombie's Boss: Hello. What are you up to?Zombie: I have finished... *long pause as brain gives out* ..

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1146422300129651712006-04-30T11:37:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:27.925-08:00

Trying a New Template StyleGot a bit bored of the last one, since I've had it for-fucking-ever. Not sure what I think of this one yet, but I am still fiddling with it. Will add some more pictures and things once I remember my stupid photobucket login.We'll see.Oh, and I need a banner. Ford, want to make me a banner? I know you do. That little text title up there is so sad and pathetic looking. We

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1146368431294901882006-04-29T18:57:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:27.859-08:00

Zombie Wins Award for Best Mother of the Year, Or: Yet Another Good Reason to Use Birth Control.Thank you, thank you. Really, you're too kind.I'd like to thank the little people, particularly those that live in my house, because without them, this award could not be possible. Here's to you, kids! You love me! You really love me!......Actually, I don't think they do. Love me, that is. If they

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1146335233920489282006-04-29T10:40:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:27.784-08:00

In Which We Ask the Rhetorical Question: Will Zombie Ever Wake the Fuck Up?I have this problem. It's a health problem and also a vampire problem and perhaps also has something to do with the fact that I'm just not wired properly.I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia for about two years now. It is a pain in my ass - literally. For real, sometimes my ass hurts.Anyway, for those of you unfamiliar

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1146163451575871462006-04-27T11:22:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:27.719-08:00

If You Ever Needed a Reason for Birth Control...Y'all, don't have kids. If you have kids, I'm sorry, I got to you too late and your life is over and horrors like the one I experienced this morning await you.If you don't have kids yet, keep it that way. Use 95 different forms of birth control simultaneously, in case 94 forms of them fail. Have only anal sex, ladies! Stick to oral! Something!

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1145997703361912702006-04-25T12:44:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:27.632-08:00

Lawnmower (Wo)ManY'all ever have one of those days...one of those days where everything sucks and it pisses you off and all you want to do is get a case of beer and hide in the laundry room where no one can see you and drink your face off til you forget your name and why you're drinking your face off in the first place?Yeah, I had one of those yesterday.Unfortunately, since I have children and a

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5538914.post-1145391753412858922006-04-18T13:06:00.000-07:002006-11-13T20:55:27.367-08:00

Zombie Corrupts ChildrenI am a corrupter of children.I probably shouldn't have been allowed to breed - but since it is done and I have yet to find a place that will perform retroactive abortions, we are stuck with my tiny demon spawn.Each night, if the spawn behave, I read them a story of their choosing. This is often a Care Bears book (my daughter is obsessed with Care Bears) or whatever my son

Zombiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07180567203675524840noreply@blogger.com0